Who is Vague? It's a question asked by many and known by a very few. Vague was born in the Disco Era amidst green shad rugs, wood paneling, marijuana, H. R. Puffnstuff, and sickly-yellow kitchens. Much of his true history and past are still unknown to the masses. Those that claim to know him tell many stories and anecdotes about Vague, but how many of those are real? Reports of co-location, tales of virtuosic talents in music and the Occult Esoterica including healing powers and divination, and rumors of Illuminati involvement are not uncommon. Vague himself claims to have parted ways with the Illuminati over creative differences and refuses to elaborate or provide any details, complicating the entire issue. Muddying the waters even further is the occasional association of one Kalvin Fukes in relation to Vague. Kalvin Fukes, of which very little information exists, is mentioned in only a handful of documents relating to Vague, and has seemingly acknowledged the truth of at least some of these claims... but even THOSE are in question, as Mr. Fukes' location and contact information is absent from all records. The only concrete lead on Mr. Fukes is from Ivan Downs and Philo Munny, the only two people allegedly to seem to have ever met and worked with Kalvin Fukes. Philo has repeatedly refused to go on record about Mr. Fukes, saying only "No God Dam*** comment, you S***!" when last confronted. Ivan Downs was more willing to comment, saying "Kalvin? Yeah, he's a cool dude and my best friend." Ivan Downs died mysteriously in 2021. Indeed, quite a few people connected to Vague have died mysteriously in years past. All seem to be only coincidence, but how can we know for certain?
Outlandish and ridiculously outrageous claims aside, what do we actually know about Vague? Not much, as it turns out. He seems to be as obscure as his name implies. I can confirm he does actually exist, or at least someone claiming to be Vague exists. A lengthy interview was conducted with Vague for a planned entertainment article recently. It is from this interview I obtained what little information I am presenting here. The interview was a simple 30 minute affair, covering the gamut of topics. Upon completion of the interview, I returned to my hotel room and began to compile my notes, written and audio, to write write article. I found that the interview, somehow, lasted 2 hours. What's more, I found my written notes were either missing or completely unusable, as if someone else had written them for me and done it poorly... missing large section of information and/or including nonsense phrases with no aparent connnection. I was shocked. I knew I had taken extensive notes with my own hand, yet the notes I had were either incomplete, were illegible, or were complete nonsense! But it appeared to be my handwriting (or an excellent forgery?). I then went to the audio notes I had recorded and found them equally useless. The recording started as any interview does, but immediately after introductions the recording sounds as if the device was picked up off the table and placed in someone's pocket. Everything was too muffled to understand, and the signature scratching/rubbing sound of being in a pocket were heard. I listened to the 2 hour recording (HOW was it 2 hours?), and at 00the end of it my own muffled voice can be heard thanking Vague for his time as the sounds of the recorder being withdrawn from the pocket it was in are heard before being turned off.
I can neither explain nor comprehend what happened. Was I, somehow, manipulated into sabotaging my own interview? Was I oblivious to others taking my notes from me and replacing them with garbage? Did Vague do it all? Unfortunately I, and the World in general, are no closer to knowing these or any other answers to the enigma that is Vague.
This is my last piece. I have, as a result of this experience, ended my career as a journalist voluntarily and have begun to see a psychologist to try to come to grips with my experience. An experience that, at first seemed so average and run-of-the-mill, but later has shaken my faith in everything I thought was concrete and solid. And add to it all the fact that I'm being followed. Nothing harassing or dangerous as of yet, but I have seen a person in a particular hooded sweatshirt many, many times now in the last 2 weeks. Why? I have added my contact information to this in case I am actually being followed and not imagining it like the notes I thought I took and the recording I thought I made.
We need to know who Vague is. The World needs to know. I need to know!
- Unknown (received from the defunct email address probemblematic@tempmailo.com. No identification or contact information was included in the message)